Snaggle-tongue of the Gumboot Chiton

Cryptochiton stelleri

Yuck! What devilry is this? It's like that bit in Jurassic Park with the giant T. rex eye except he's made of mash potato and appears to be staring actual daggers.

Watering Pot Shell

Image: Ria Tan
Verpa penis

It's Verpa penis! Just sort of... lying there.

File Shell

Image: Ria Tan

Tentacles. They are the crowning glory of Mollusca. Cephalopods like octopuses and squid are clearly the anointed kings and queens of this tentacle-blessed race. Just look into their large, intelligent eyes and you know they're asking one thing: where are your tentacles, peasant?

Noble Sea Pen

Image: riandreu
Pinna nobilis

Forget blood from a stone. Try silk from a tooth...

Swim, Scallop! Swim!

Video: benthiccanada

Clap those crazy, crinkly-crisp lips like a fast forward Pac-Man in armour plate.

This guy just can't wait for 2014! Poor fellow ought to relax. He's tiring himself out.

Flame Scallop

Image: Tony Shih
Lima scabra

The sea, the sea, the sea is on fire!
We don't need no water 'cos... where would we put it?

Aplacophora

Image: NOAA PMEL Vents Program

Proof that molluscs can worm with the best of them!

Chiton

Image: Nuytsia@Tas

Chitons! They look like... like... nothing else! I'm sure this style was in vogue a few hundred million years ago, but these days they're really going out on a limb. Not that they have a limb.

Escape of the Clam

Gosh...

Looks like someone can't wait for 2013 to begin.

Killing you softly. And slowly. And horribly.

So they got one of those tiny cameras that are making our lives a living, near-future nightmare, put it in a mussel and then had us all watch it watch itself get brutally consumed by a starfish.

Shape of Life

Pretty darn sick. And a grim example of the horrors that lie beyond our limited scope. The horrors that are too slow, too fast or too small for us to grasp. Let alone the horrors we don't yet even recognise as horrors! 'Tis all horror! Horror all the way down!

Of course, we all know that some molluscs turn the tables on even the most vicious of starfish. Your death will be avenged! Slowly.

Giant Clam

Image: Mal B via Flickr
Tridacna gigas

It's the biggest, most giant bivalve mollusc in all the world! And it looks like the biggest, most giant pair of lips puckered up for the biggest, most giant kiss!

*MWAH*

Hell as Habitat, part 3

Image: Dr. Bob Embley, NOAA

By now we know a lot about the hydrothermal vents and some of the weird creatures that occupy them. How they keep warm by the heat of volcanic water and are fed by bacteria that have learnt to make sugars out of stuff that usually kills everything. It's all very impressive. Sometimes, though, it's the sheer numbers that make your jaw drop.

We can see that deep sea mussels can cooperate to make an utter spectacle of themselves. Who else wants to outrageously flaunt their ability to survive Earth's most hellish habitat?

Hell as Habitat, part 2

Image: NOAA

Last time, we left the hydrothermal vents as steaming chimneys of boiling volcanic water, liquid smoke and underground flame.

Minerals spew out and, through a process called chemosynthesis, bacteria are able to take poisonous hydrogen sulphide and make from it all the sugars they need for survival.

They flourish in this deadly atmosphere and provide a source of food for a whole host of animals. They rely on energy not from the Sun, but from Earth herself.

It's a community of life, sitting on a mat of bacteria atop a volcano. Makes that elephants on a turtle one sound quite reasonable, doesn't it?

Dressed to Spill... Blood: Thorns and Spikes

Image via Wikipedia

Hedgehogs are lovely little animals made almightily famous by Beatrix Potter in her Mrs. Tiggy Winkle story. There are 17 different species found in Europe, Africa and Asia, where they can be seen shuffling along amiably on the look out for insects, snails, berries and all sorts of other things to eat. I don't know what it's like anywhere else, but here in the UK these creatures are loved by just about everyone. It might even be illegal to think they're just "alright". I think a reason for that, aside from Miss Potter, is probably how vulnerable they seem. They walk around so slowly with their sweet little legs and, of course, they hibernate in the winter. Weirdly, another reason could be the very means by which they defend themselves. Hedgehog spines certainly look quite unique and rolling up in a ball when you're scared is always adorable, although I should think it would get pretty annoying if someone's husband does it whenever they hear a strange noise downstairs at night. In any case, I really wonder what people would think of hedgehogs if they didn't have that particular means of defence?

Of course, spikes and spines aren't the sole preserve of hedgehogs. For one thing, being able to fight back without having to actually fight is not a bad deal at all. Let's take a look at some other animals who show us a whole new way of being a sharp dresser.