Cloak of the Vampire Squid

All other vampires are jealous of the Vampire Squid's beautiful, silky cloak.

Chiroteuthis

Image: NOAA

Chiroteuthis is MOSTLY tentacles. Glad to see they've got their priorities in order!

Strawberry Squid

Histioteuthis heteropsis

You've seen werewolves versus vampires. You've marvelled at Alien versus Predator. You've wondered what on earth is going on at zombies versus Jane Austen. Now it's time to quake in your boots at the thought of...

Terminator versus Cthulhu!

Attack of the Giant Snip-snip

It was a close thing, but this jelly-legs just barely escaped from the enormous snipper of a giant snip-snip.

Big, Voluminous Sleeves

Big, voluminous sleeves... the trend that keeps on giving. And billowing. After all, who doesn't want to look like a rakish buccaneer or ostentatious wizard?

Change the world with a bunch of squid!

Image: Richard Ling

A bunch of squid? A BUNCH?

That, dear reader, is the problem.

Image: Richard Ling

A murder of crows. A parliament of owls. A gaggle of geese.

A cackle of hyenas. A leap of leopards. A tower of giraffes.

A knot of toads. A shiver of sharks. A... what... of squid?

Image: Daniel Kwok

Of course, the answer SHOULD be squad. A squad of squid. Look at them, they even swim in formation! What else could they possibly be? If lion's have their pride then squid must surely have their squad?

And yet our scientific lords and masters in their ivory towers and submarines appear blissfully unaware of their moral obligation to officially squadify all squid.

This is where you come in. Do you have a big piece of cardboard and a stick? Then make a "SQUAD OF SQUID" placard and tag along with your nearest protest march. Are you a vandal? Then consider spray painting "SQUAD OF SQUID" rather than your delinquent gang symbols. Do you have a squid suit? Several squid suits? Several squid suits and several friends each willing to wear a squid suit? Then walk around town together and if anyone asks, inform them that you're a SQUAD OF SQUID. And say it quite loud so people can overhear.

Or perhaps, before all that, you might consider signing the SQUAD OF SQUID petition. Hopefully that'll get their attention. But I warn you, if that doesn't work, it's squid suits for everyone.

Blind Octopus

Cirrothauma murrayi

Octopuses are famous for having eyes remarkably similar to those of humans but without the blind spot.

The Blind Octopus is different in that it has nothing BUT a blind spot!

Arms, Arms, Everywhere

Nor any hand to shake.

Telescope Octopus

Amphitretus pelagicus

We are all in the abyss.

But some of us are looking at the bioluminescent anglerfish.

Pyjama Striped Squid

Image: Klaus Stiefel
Sepioloidea lineolata

Striped Pyjama Squid are always ready for bed!

Blue-ringed Octopus

Image: Rickard Zerpe

Pretty, titchy, deadly. The Blue-ringed Octopous is like an elegant chocolate laced with cyanide, an ornate thimble full of plutonium or a small child who summons angry bears whenever she's tired.

Pygmy Squid

Image: Saspotato

The teeniest, tiniest tentacles of them all!

Bobtail Squid

Image: Chris Frazee and Margaret McFall-Ngai

The Dumbo Octopus has been strutting around like he owns the place for far too long. It's time for a challenger to rise up and get those dainty tentacles on the Cutest Cephalopod tiara.

Flamboyant Cuttlefish

Image: q phia
Metasepia pfefferi

It's time to put your glad rags on! The ones with the inconveniently voluminous sleeves. The ones that are so brightly coloured they set off fire alarms.

And yet, no matter how extravagant your gladdest of rags may be, they can only pale in comparison to the Flamboyant Cuttlefish...

The Blobs!

Check out this beautiful octopus! Is that a devil costume?

JAWS: Party Pooper

Image: NOAA OKEANOS Explorer Program

Squid just love to party! Even in the most desperate of circumstances...

Japetella

Image: NOAA/MBARI

An octopus with two different kinds of invisibility cloak!

Bright and Beautiful. And Spiky.

Wow! What a beauty!

MOTHER SITS ON CHILDREN FOR OVER 4 YEARS

Says it's for their own protection.

A Vampire Wakes From Sleep

In the darkness of the deep
A vampire wakes from sleep
And opens his vampire cape

His vampire tentacles
Hold vampire spectacles
Through which he looks all around

And oh! What a sight
Bathing in light
A monster. A terror. A creep.

What beastly shape!
I am quite agape!
What horror! What crime! says he

What bestial sound!
I am quite aground!
What manner of fiend might you be?

Video: EVNautilus

The vampire insists
Demands and persists
But the stranger affords not a peep

So he shuts his vampire eye
Sighs a vampire sigh
And escapes into the darkness of the deep