Nightmare Catcher

Image: Frank Vassen

A Nightmare Catcher flitters through the rainforests of Bolivia, sticky net in hand.

Some say she feeds on nightmares, her gut so full of concentrated horror that the mere sight of her causes night terrors.

Others say that's silly, and she probably eats moths.

Still others say, "Yeah, that's what I meant. I actually have a terrible phobia of moths."

The IUCN's List of Threatened Species lists the Nightmare Catcher as 'Be Concerned. Be Very Concerned.'

Merry Christmas!

Life is tough in the deep sea. Even Santa has to economise. There's not enough food to keep reindeer well fed, let alone towels to keep their fur dry. Sleighs have a habit of shattering under the pressure and poor old Santa has a tough time retaining his jolly, rotund figure.

And so, here's Santa the Whip-lash Squid dragging a sack of gifts in his own tentacle. Look closely and you can see a toy Alvin submersible and a whole lot of tuna. Thank goodness they don't ask for much, these denizens of the deep!

Video: Visual Art and Production

Mery Christmas everyone!

I Wrote A Science Fiction Novel!

Can you believe that? I can't. And I watched myself write it.

It's called A Twinkle on Mars and it's about the first manned mission to Mars and how it all goes wrong. Aliens are involved, and giant glowing mushrooms. You've GOT to have giant glowing mushrooms.

It features Captain Cambridge, possibly the most heroic figure in the entirety of his own mind. Professor Prestwold, a delightful chap who doesn't know a life-threatening situation when it tries to bite his head off. Mr Blunderberry, a very large and very angry man. And Dr Khatagi. Not much is known about him but he's probably an assassin or something.

As you can probably imagine, this is not one of those hard sci-fi things where the author can (and sometimes does) write an essay about how every bit of technology depicted is totally possible given the current state of scientific knowledge.

It is, of course, a comedy. And a funny one, I reckon. Some people polish their every sentence to a poetic shine, I tried to make 'em all funny.

I've been working on it for a while but what really helped was when I started reading Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels for the first time a little over a year ago. They were the first books I ever read where I thought not only this is really good, but also I could probably do something a bit like this. And so I... did? Tried to but failed?

If you'd like to be the judge of that then head on to Amazon and give it a read. You might even consider reporting your findings in the form of a review, I hear they help.

Merry Christmas!

Original image: NOAA

Lapland looks truly magical this time of year. The trees decorate themselves, you know. So does the moon. Even the tentacles have a warm, fireplace glow about them. It's a wonder how Santa Claus can bear to tear himself away.

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas! I know I sort of dropped off for a good 2 months or something crazy like that, but I reckon this year I'll give myself the gift of lots and lots of monstrosities. And of course, I'll share. Should be great!

Video: Wayne Jagdeo

Merry Christmas!

Having been forced to eat his reindeer during a camping trip gone horribly wrong, Santa was relieved to discover that the late Rudolph's red nose could pull the sleigh all by itself.

Wishing you all a fantastic season with lots of wonderful things right under your nose!

Video: Mastamind Productions

Kintsukuroi: Sacred Scars

Have you ever been smashed? Completely smashed. To pieces. Like a vase or a plate. Or maybe you had some bits of you removed. Pieces. Removed. Like a vase or a plate that got smashed and one of the pieces slipped under the fridge and got lost forever.

You know what really does get smashed on occasion? Vases and plates. Butter fingers and wobbly tables have been blights on our ceramics since the very first... ceramics. Back when the primordial ceramic egg cracked open and a ceramic chicken got out and someone caught it and made a pot out of it.

That's where kintsukuroi comes in. It's the art of fixing things but, most emphatically NOT fixing things so they're good as new. Fixing them instead so their cracks glitter and shine. Taking their history - the knocks, the falls, the wear and tear - and far from hiding it, inscribing it upon their surface for all to see.

The effect is beautiful. Not an attempt at pristine, untroubled beauty, but a beauty that speaks of a journey through time and space. A beauty that allows buttery fingers, wobbly tables and stony floors to become part of its creation.

And that leads us to SacredScars.org.

Dana over at shewalkssoftly.com has been smashed to pieces more than most. Her particular journey through time and space has, over these past years, been terrifying and inspiring in equal measure. Hopefully there weren't too many doctors with buttery fingers or wobbly operating tables involved, but still.

Sacred Scars is her new site. It's a site for those who have had to face their own frailty and overcome it with a strength they perhaps never even knew they had. A place where they can share their story, inspire and be inspired.

She's also gearing up to create a book to go along with it. And she's asking for models!

So if you or anyone you know has a story to tell or wants to appear in the book check out:

the Sacred Scars website,
Facebook group,
or mailing list.

Tell your friends!

Boxing Day Jellyfish

A Box Jellyfish on Boxing Day...

Merry Christmas!

Hey! Has Santa lost weight? And his face?

At least he's getting around on his own steam now. Those reindeer must be exhausted.

Have a great holiday, everyone!

Huh?

Image: EricksonSmith

Can't talk. Eating.

Merry Christmas!

Original image: Steve Childs

Nothing says Christmas like a grumpy Frogfish sitting around on his leg-fins, face cleaved by a magisterial frown while apathetic eyes BULGE with the sheer power of indifference. It's the very picture of festive merriment! And of course, his belly is so big he can almost eat himself so you won't have to suffer through a week of cold Christmas turkey.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Happy Halloween!

Wishing everyone a googly-eyed Halloween!

Video: MBARI

Whether you want any other body parts to go with those peepers is of course, completely up to you.

Monstrous Heraldry!

I played a bit of Crusader Kings II, got interested in all the coats of arms and heraldic doo-dads, learnt a bit about them and then this came out:

The official, fancy-dan description of these things is called a blazon. They're all weird and old and traditional. I shall attempt one now:

Sable, a feather star Gules, armed Or. Ensigned with a squid with arms and tentacles all Gules, clubs each with four suckers Or.

And for a motto: Where My Tentacles Lead

I'm basically certain I got that wrong somewhere, but in other words it's a black shield with a red and gold Feather Star and then a red squid on top with gold suckers.

This one is based more on ecclesiastical heraldry than the usual swords 'n' Sirs stuff but I'd definitely imprint my wax seals with it!

Three Years!!!

Real Monstrosities is three years old today! Three long, monstrous years...

Once again and as ever, a great, big THANK YOU to all you lovely readers, commenters and everyone who's had nice things to say. You're all so sweet I want to eat you AAAAALLL up!

MuhahahahahhaaAAAAAA!

The Book of Barely Imagined Beings, US Edition

A quick note to inform you all that The Book of Barely Imagined Beings: A 21st Century Bestiary by Caspar Henderson is finally out in the United States.

You can get it from Amazon and wherever else. Also, yeah, I'm afraid that there is one of those affiliate links where I get tuppence (maybe even two!) for anything anyone buys after clicking on it. I think I get a percentage, so its a shame they don't sell houses or something on there.

Barring real estate, you could get The Book of Barely Imagined Beings! I wrote a little review when it came out in the UK. It's a great book! Taking us through the myths and legends inspired by animals through the ages, and the knowledge and inspiration that life at its weirdest can still hold for us.

It's full of wonderful examples of how boring, old, natural reality can be just as awe-inspiring as the most beautiful stories we can come up with.

I quite like that. Also Caspar Henderson seems to be ridiculously clever and well read. Just... stupendously so. He probably doesn't have a Facebook account or anything. Proper "book guy"!

You can check out his blog here, which includes the quote "we are monkeys with money and guns" from Tom Waits. Good stuff!

creepypasta for Bogleech

So I sent in a story for Bogleech.com's creepypasta, horror, do-a-story thing and I was a runner-up! Sweet!

Apparently, if he was made of money he would of sacrificed bits of his body and spent it on sending us runner-ups a free shirt. Which leaves me wondering how many kidneys he has and just how serious he is about this.

In any case, you can check out my efforts if you like, it's called The Snail's Shell.

scythemantis, the Monster Master over there, got over 100 entries so if you ever feel for a weird story, there's a whole bunch of them waiting for you.

And of course, the rest of his site is there if you want something weird that isn't a story.

Great stuff!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you have a wonderful day and Santa fills your stocking with so much cool stuff that you would feel guilty were you not having so much FUN!

Santa is looking particularly trim this year, don't you think?

Image: modified from PacificKlaus via Flickr

Hey, he's a Skeleton Shrimp! Hopefully he'll be able to squeeze through a few more chimneys this time!

Happy Halloween!

Wishing you all a chocolate covered day! And a rich, caramel filled night.

Or at least something better than dead fish in the dark.

REVIEW: The Book of Barely Imagined Beings

"Death is not the end, it's just a case of being metabolically different."
                      Caspar Henderson

Fantastic! The Book of Barely Imagined Beings is A 21st Century Bestiary that uses an A to Z of animals to explore a whole range of scientific and human issues.

If nothing else, the book is a clear demonstration that its author, Caspar Henderson, is a right, ol' clever clogs. Each chapter brings together an array of quotes, history, art, science, mythology and story to bring the subject alive. It's amazing to see how our thoughts and ideas surrounding life on earth have changed over time, let alone how much life itself has changed over significantly more time.

Each chapter focuses on a single creature, including many of our old fiends like the Axolotl, the Sea Butterfly and even Venus' Girdle! A girdle so sexy and sheer that barely anyone knows it's even there!

Each animal teaches us something about earth, life and our place within it. Where we came from and what we should do now that we have all this ridiculous world-changing power. It seems to me that this really is a time for thought; our accidents and unintended consequences are not like your grandfather's. With power comes responsibility, and with responsibility comes having an idea of what the hell it is you're doing.

Each chapter is also introduced with a beautiful illustration by an Iranian artist called Golbanou Moghaddas. His earthy, organic art sums up the chapter in a way that raises quite a few questions. What on earth does the Crown of Thorns Starfish have to do with van Gogh's Sunflowers and the Pyramids of Giza? You'll have to read it to find out!

The Book of Barely Imagined Beings is out now in the UK

The rest of the world will get it a little later, so Americans can feel what it's like to have to wait for Hollywood movies.

Also check out Caspar's blog.

TWO YEARS!!

Wow! Can you believe this? I can't believe this... and I saw it happen. I was there! It all happened so fast!

How on earth do you do a blog for two years? I have absolutely no idea.

One thing's for sure... it would've been a lot harder, if not impossible, were it not for all you wonderful, beautiful, discerning and incredibly intelligent Dear Readers out there!

I still have a giant list of Monstrosities to get through, a whole bunch of ideas to broach and several requests to get to. Not to mention Civilization V: Gods & Kings. But that'll be a completely different 2 years.

It's unfortunate that I'm essentially lazy and have a remarkable and ever so slightly self-destructive propensity to procrastination... I'm a pro! I'm actually a little amazed every time I post. Ha!

So thanks again to all readers, commenters, contacters and sharers!

Tell your friends about Real Monstrosities! Tell your local shop keeper! Tell random strangers in the street! Make Real Monstrosities a recognised symptom of over-exuberant friendliness/mental imbalance (it's difficult to tell the two apart).

Real Monstrosities on tumblr

I started a tumblr blog!

Apparently tumblr is full to brim with hip, young things and the thought of so many hip, young things being in ignorance of a weird looking fish was getting really stressful.

It'll be a quik ting, with just a picture from here and a link. That seems to be the hip and young thing to do.

So if you're a tumblr user, check it out! If not... check it out!

Real Monstrosities on tumblr